10/09/2017

RATE OUR DATE: WHAT IS IT LIKE TO DATE ME?


We all know I am never lucky when it comes to my love life, but these posts seem to be some of my most read posts of all time. I'm raw, honest and I'd like to think I am relatable to most 20-something year olds. After all, the majority of us haven't met our prince charmings and gone riding into the sunset. Yet.

I found myself feeling ready to get back out there and dating again at the beginning of this summer. I don't really know what I want from dating, but I know what I don't want. I'd like to see myself happy and starting to settle down soon, but there is always something missing that means I am just not ready to settle for something that's anything less than extraordinary.

I don't ask for much if I am entirely honest. It just seems to be very difficult to find someone who doesn't live a million miles away, doesn't have crazy ex girlfriends in his life, is family orientated, loves dogs (Elsie has to obviously approve of each new beau), appreciates my creativity and pushes me to be my very best, wants to see the world with me and wants to help me discover London's best cheeseburger. Sounds easily achievable, right? It isn't. 


I am incredibly loyal and think it's one of my biggest strong points, but also my biggest weakness. I go in 100% committed from day one and it always ends up biting me in the arse. Sometimes I feel like I should be like most people and play people, break hearts and not care about a person's feelings. However, I haven't got that in me and could never bring myself to be like that. If I really like someone and want things to end up in a happy and healthy relationship, I'll never give up on them. People seem to give up on me though and that's why I have started to realise that I am better off on my own. My loyalty is never matched. 

One of the first questions I throw at new guys, is asking them when their last relationship was. If it was a recent breakup, then I don't like to get involved in fear I'll end up being a rebound again. However, I know it is possible to leave a relationship feelings free and get back out there straight away. Personally, I can't jump from one relationship to another so soon and I would rather risk missing out on the man of my dreams if it means protecting myself from just making a man feel better about getting his arse dumped.


I thought it would be interesting to take a trip down memory lane for this post and possibly find out where I am going wrong. Am I too much for men? Too confident? Too opinionated? Maybe I should dye my hair dark? Too much of a wacky style? Why is my love life failing again and again?

I reached out on social media and asked guys that I have dated in the past to get in touch. As much as I thought, a few lurkers popped up in my message requests and they did feel a bit like that annoying zit that arrives the day before your period is due. Ya'll feel me, ladies?!

These guys seemed to be interested in getting involved with this project by answering one question and giving me their most honest answer possible. The question I asked is what am I like to date... either continuously or just on the 1 date we have been on in the past. I have taken all of their comments and criticisms on board and also given my own view on what it was like to date them. The results are rather interesting, so let's review them.


CHRIS RATES ME: 
"Ashleigh is a really nice, down to earth girl, who need to stop having self doubt. We was seeing each other for about 2 months this year. We would make time for each other and always had a good laugh. She had a rule of 6 dates before sex, which I respected. Date 4 came around and for me, it was time for her to meet my parents. It turned out to be the whole family and not just the parents and so the spare room was allocated. I mentioned this to her and said it would mean she would have to sleep in my bed and spoon. This was all okay. She came round and we had a lovely chilled weekend watching films. However, I did try it on with her as any man would when he has a girl he really, really likes half-naked in his bed. Things got carried away on both sides and it went too far. She told me to stop and I stopped. However, things between us then went downhill. We wasn't getting along as much and I can't even explain why. I ended up losing a top girl that I wish the best for and any man she ends up with is lucky. My advice to future guys Ashleigh dates, is to stick to the rules!".

I RATE HIM
Within minutes of matching on Tinder, Chris messaged me straight away.  I liked that he didn't hold back. We dated at the beginning of this summer and it lasted for around 2 months of seeing eachother. We got on really well on our first date and ended up spending way longer together than you really would when first meeting someone. Being honest, Chris was the whole package for me. Hot, family orientated, worked hard, smelt dreamy and had a nice style.

We always had lovely dates and I always felt excited about seeing him the next time. It got to the point where I actually felt like I was missing someone when I wasn't with him and that's a big for me, as I don't usually miss people that soon.


I could have easily slept with him if I wanted to, but I wanted to hold back and do things properly. This is why I said I'd like to have at least 6 dates with him and we both agreed it's best not to rush things. Fast forward a bit and I met his family who all made me feel very welcome. I was happy. That's always a serious thing for me and I felt from that, we was moving in the right direction for a relationship.

The proof is in the pudding that things go very wrong when they are rushed. That same weekend I met his family for the first time, I stayed over. Obviously, it's very hard to ignore a tall and dark hunk in bed with you and "things" did happen between us. Afterwards, things just went very wrong. It felt like he was no longer interested in me because I stopped sex from happening. I felt like I was easily replaceable by girls who could make him happier by giving him what he wanted. From there, we agreed to call things off and stop seeing each other.

I think he's the one guy that really took me by surprise and one of the few guys I am gutted it didn't work out with.


TOM RATES ME:
"We had one date together and I really enjoyed spending the relatively short time I did with Ashleigh. We seemed to get on really well. In person, she's very opinionated and strong minded and definitely what I expected from when we was texting beforehand. I mentioned my ex girlfriend on our date and so she decided to not see or talk to me again.

My one criticism would be that she jumped to conclusions about me still having feelings for my ex girlfriend, but this was my own fault as she did mention she didn't like this before our date. I always thought a second chance would have been better, but we never met again. Overall, Ashleigh has a wonderful personality, looks gorgeous and is very enjoyable on a date."



I RATE HIM:
I was never quite sure on Tom and had got cold feet and consequently cancelled a date with him before our actual date. Our date was ok, but lasted under an hour. Unfortunately, Tom started talking about his ex-girlfriend in a way that it came across to me that he wasn't over her.

I decided to cut all ties and not see him again, despite Tom telling me he had a nice time and wanted to see me again. He had read my blog beforehand and (apparently) had read that mentioning an ex on a date is a turn off with me. However, his actions said otherwise and so, we never saw each other again.


Top: Boohoo | Jeans: River Island | Sunglasses: Smartbuyglasses* | Shoes: EGO*| Bag: Primark 

BILLY RATES ME:
"I loved my date with Ashleigh. We only had one but it was one of the nicest dates I've been on. I took her to Greenwich and we walked over the O2, so I am glad I did it with her. Ashleigh is a shy person at first, but she quickly came out of her shell. Unfortunately, things took a turn and we never got to a second date, but I'd definitely love to try again. I don't think we gave it a fair chance."

I RATE HIM:
Billy was another Tinder date and the one that you guys got all excited about on Twitter. Billy booked us a surprise in London and didn't tell me what it was until we was literally driving up to it.


Fast forward 45 minutes and we are driving up to The O2 in Greenwich and collecting tickets to walk over the O2. It's something I had always wanted to do and I couldn't believe a guy (for the first time ever at that point) had put so much thought into a date with me. It was a great way to bond because it meant we was close together and helping each other to get from the bottom to the top without falling down.

We seemed to get on well and got some food afterwards. I was quite happy to see him again, but it was too much too soon - I had only been single 2 months. I got a bit scared and turned off at him wanting to see me again so soon afterwards, so things turned bitter and we ended up calling things off and never saw each other again. Apart from the time I saw him out one night and gave him some evils from the bar, ha!


RICH* RATES ME:
I met up with Ashleigh in London and I took her for cocktails and for dinner. She was pleasant and cool. Quite quiet but I don't mind that. She did come across hugely uninterested. Halfway through dinner, I thought she was hating life and didn't like me at all. I didn't feel like she had that 'spark' for me. I was a bit gutted!


I RATE HIM:
Rich* was my first date after a horrific breakup last year. My head was all over the place and my ex was still in my life.

On our date, he took me out for drinks and dinner and this was when I first ever discovered the beauty of pornstar martinis. I liked the look of him and his personality was great. He understood me as a person and we had a lot in common, but the place I was in mentally at the time prevented anything from happening between us.

In all honesty, looking back now I probably should have never met him, as I did somewhat waste his time. To this day, Rich* and I are on good terms and I think very highly of him, but I guess some people are just meant to be friends!


*name changed

Interesting results, right? It's either just overall bad timing or I am 'too woman' for people at the time. It's incredibly frustrating in not knowing what I want until it hits me square in the face, but also knowing what I don't want from a future relationship. However, I am a firm believer in that cheesy quote everything happens for a reason. 
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55 comments

  1. Great post, I loved reading the opinions of each other on the dates. Wishing you all the luck in finding 'The One'

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  2. This was fascinating - must have been quite revealing to see what they had to say! Good luck with finding the one x

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    1. It was very interesting indeed! Thank you x

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  3. Great post! I find it courageous that you went and asked the guys their honest opinions. I wouldn't have had the guts to do it! You are one amazing woman and you will definitely find 'the one' <3

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    1. Thanks so much. I am so glad you enjoyed the post. xx

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  4. A really interesting and brave post. I'm sure with time you will find your Mr Right x

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    1. Thanks so much. A girl can only hope! x

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  5. Wow I'm not sure I would want to hear how some of my dates rated me, or them to hear how I rated them for that matter!! Go you!

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  6. I have to admit I'm not sure I would be brave enough to find out how people rated our dates - but then it is a long time since I was single and dating and none of my dates turned out well.

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    1. It's interesting to get feedback though when you keep failing like I do!x

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  7. OMG, you are a superhero! I don't think I'd ever be brave enough to ask my previous dates to rate me. I had such a good time reading this though!

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    1. I am glad you liked the post Elodie :) thanks for the feedback xx

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  8. I admire you for being brave enough to be rated; I just don't want to know, lol! My top tip would be to stop looking. Just be your awesome self and the right person will find you. Don't settle for anything but the best.

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    1. Haha, I was prepared for criticisms too! I wouldn't settle for something mundane and mehhhhh anyway :) X

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  9. Really interesting feedback!! I hope you find mr right soon and when you discover the best cheeseburger please let me know!!! 😂

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    1. Thanks Lucy! Haha, I definitely will! x

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  10. This is really interesting. I've never heard of rating dates before

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  11. I hope u find Mr right soon. I don't think I'd have ever been brave enough to have got my dates rated.

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  12. A really interesting read - thanks so much for sharing!

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  13. Wow what a brilliant and brave post...pure genius and such a good read :)x

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  14. What an interesting post, I would never have had the guts to get such feed back in fear of hearing something I would not like. Hats off to you. I wish you all the best for your search for the ideal partner.

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    1. There's always that possibility indeed, but I was also very intrigued to find out what people think of me!

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  15. Man I know how tough dating can be. How interesting that you were able to hear their responses towards your dates. Something to take on board.

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  16. It is a crap shoot as far as I am concerned. I treat dating like a job interview. I was married and it didn't work and I'm a happier person for leaving an abusive parasite. Date and enjoy it, is my motto. Keep you standards don't drop them for anyone. Loved reading this and I loved you images. You seem like a really cool girl. :)

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  17. This was an interesting post as it's something I wouldn't normally read. I'm glad I'm not in the whole dating scene anymore..

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    1. Thanks Ricky! Glad to have a man's perspective on this kind of post!

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  18. This is a really interesting experiment. Maybe you should try to make it work again with Chris? He seems like such a nice guy!

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    1. Haha, that made me laugh a lot! Chris is a very nice guy, but I don't think either of us would go back there. It didn't work out the first time, so we agreed it just isn't meant to be. Such a shame! x

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  19. Wow, kudos to you for even getting back in touch with the men you've dated! That in itself is out of question for me, you have some balls that's for sure. A very interesting post on dating, I can't say I've ever read one like it. Wonderful idea xx

    https://beautyexpertamateur.wordpress.com/

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    1. Thanks so much for the feedback. I am glad you enjoyed the post :)

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  20. Wow, how interesting! I guess it's good to read back on what went wrong, but onwards and upwards in the dating world! :) Great idea x

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  21. Your so brave to find out what the other half of your date thought, I'm not sure I would want to know.

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    1. It was a little nerve wracking but I wanted honest feedback!

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  22. What an amazing post, you are so brave! I'm not sure I'd like to know the answers xxx

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    1. Thanks Stephanie. I am sure your feedback would be great! Xxx

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  23. It would never crossed my mind to ask my exes to rate me. This is so brave I got to say and no worries you will find a guy that will like you the way you are.

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    1. Thanks Elena. I have a little bit of hope left! x

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  24. Great post, I wish you the best in finding love, it will come, believe me. Interesting to see the comments of each person.

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  25. What a fascinating post! It's great that you managed to get feedback and they were happy to share. My mummy couldn't imagine using tinder. She met my daddy well before the internet dating scene. Good luck on finding 'the one' x

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    1. Aww that's super cute! I wish I could meet someone without having to use tinder, but I can't! x

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  26. What an interesting read - not sure I'd want to know what some of my ex's thought of dating me! x

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  27. It's incredible to see that they were so honest and open to giving you feedback. I think I would have loved knowing what my ex's thought of me years ago, but now that ship has sailed. I think you're brill for putting yourself out there and asking them for the feedback! x

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  28. oh I love your shoes! wow its so interesting to see you guys rate each other. I got with my husband before Tinder was around which I'm a bit thankful for! Good luck on your next dates, you look gorgeous in these pics x

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    1. Thanks lovely! They are from EGO shoes. I wish I could meet someone not from a dating app, but I find it so hard to meet people in day to day life!

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  29. Interesting post. At least getting feedback from them personally stops all the he said she said nonsense which I had when on the dating scene all those years ago

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    1. I totally agree! It was good to clear the air and find out what went wrong x

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  30. Although I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post, it also filled me with dread. I've spent the last 11 years with the same man, but now I just find him suffocating and am considering leaving. I'm most definitely not ready to date anyone else, but when I do I'm going to feel TOTALLY out of my depth. I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it "/

    Louise x

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