SLIDER

DONE AND DUSTED AND NEVER LOOKING BACK

Wow, it's been such a roller coaster of a ride the past few months. I touched upon this lightly in my post about making changes in my life but now I'm a few weeks into making those changes and am generally becoming a lot happier with my life. Of course, I miss the adventures and the cuddles; but I have a puppy for those things.

Top & Sandals: M&M Direct* | Shorts: H&M Coachella | Sunglasses: Raybans*

I have thought about waffling on about different subjects all centred around the topic of BREAKUPS; but there's just too much to type out so I think I'll write about them all separately. There's a few topics in total I am going to cover so let's start with topic number one:

Actually becoming single. Again.

In all honesty; I have felt like I have been single for ages but I never lost that loyalty and commitment. Therefore, I am finding it quite easy to deal with and haven't cried about it as I'm SO past the stage of crying and eating ice-cream in big Bridget Jones knickers. I have nothing to cry about anymore. I am finally happy and free.

Of course there are days when I wish things could have been different but I don't regret anything at all. Everything happens for a reason, remember.


Obviously, breakups suck. I wouldn't have got into a relationship if I knew this one would last a year and then that be it. I don't believe in temporary relationships or friendships. If I commit myself to you then that's it. You get all of me and I'll stay committed always.

However, this relationship was completely different. I wouldn't exactly say a year is long-term at all but there was sadly no future for "us". 6 breakups and 123456 arguments squished into a year is an awful lot of issues for any one person to deal with. Therefore, I could never see myself getting married or having children in the future with him. Those thoughts just never entered my mind because I knew one day it would end for good and I was right.

It was my choice to walk away for good and it was 100% the right thing to do. I could no longer go on feeling unhappy every day, crying with frustration every day and wondering if things would ever get better every day. I no longer felt in control of my life and felt like I was letting someone else control my feelings and happiness.


Sadly (and I honestly mean, sadly); there was no option what so ever for us to end things and be friends or even end on good terms. My decision wasn't understood or agreed by him and I knew I had hurt him by finally walking away for good. However, if something is starting to affect your health and other personal relationships (in this case - my family); I had to make a split decision there and then and stick to it. It was a hard decision to make but one of the easiest I have ever made too. I didn't ever once question my decision or wonder if I had done the right thing. I was given no reason to believe it was the wrong decision.

I would have liked things to end on good terms as there was never any need to be nasty about things. However, things are now bitter and twisted. I ended the relationship officially a long time ago and stuck with my decision every day for weeks. To others, it looked like I was stringing him along and being unfair but I wasn't. I stopped seeing him and barely even spoke to him; at least not in the same way. Nobody knows what went on behind closed doors other than me and him. We know the facts.

I have nothing bad to say about him this time round. However, he did make a few mistakes throughout the relationship which I have never gone into detail about and it doesn't need to be discussed. We basically just wasn't right for each other and things should have ended for good a long, long time ago. However, I guess when you love someone you never want to give up on them.

All I ever wanted was a best friend. I have never had that kind of relationship with someone since I was 17. I just wanted to go out and adventure the world with that one person. If you have read my blog since day one, you will know I like to see new things, photograph cool stuff and travel to new places. I was never able to do these things with the one person I wanted to do them all with.

I saw a quote the over day that read "true love never has an ending". I guess one day I'll find the person I am supposed to be with and it will work out perfectly. I hope there is a happy ending soon for the both of us.


So, how am I doing?

I am fine and concentrating on myself for myself. I started to spend time again with someone who meant a lot to me once upon a time. I was happy going places with him and finally laughing about life again; not once thinking about everything going on. Driving around London late at night and not having a care in the world about what time it was. However, that recently never worked out either and even though it sucked at the time; I can once see again how we just wasn't compatible with one another either. Let's just call that one a personality clash. I will never allow another man to control me or try to make me feel bad for having feelings and a heart.


As for now, I am far too busy with my life at the moment to worry about men, dating and relationships. I have started to re-build my life and am starting to really feel like my old self again. I really lost myself a few months ago and didn't know who I was anymore but I now feel like Ashleigh Dougherty is back and she will be ready to get out there and back on the dating scene one day soon.

It feels great right now not to be involved with anyone. I don't have to worry about texting anyone back to keep them interested. There's no pressure to get an outfit perfect ready for dinner at the weekend. A single life is a care-free and worry-free life. It's grand and I've missed being alone in this sense.

So, that's it. Another breakup documented and archived which I can look back on and laugh about when I'm married to Tom Hardy. If only...

As for now? Tonight will consist of a pizza for one, Netflix (and chill) alone and maybe even a few swipes to the left and right... if ya know what I mean.

37 comments

  1. Good to see u are concerating on yourself and are happy being single.

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  2. I am glad you are happy with those changes, afterall we have to do what's best for us.

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  3. Aw I am so pleased to hear you are happy within yourself and finding who you really are again.x

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  4. Nothing better than having distance and time to yourself to reflect. Sounds that you are happy being single and have enough to occupy yourself xx

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    1. I have tonnes of stuff on at the moment to occupy myself. I haven't had time to think about my feelings x

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  5. Sometimes you just need to do what feels right for you and then move on. I am sure in time you will feel you can get into another relationship when you meet the right person.

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    1. Hopefully! I don't see it happening for a long time yet, but I look forward to the day when I meet someone who makes everything perfect. x

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  6. I'm glad that you're feeling better and made a decision which would be better for you and not for him. Sometimes you have to be selfish and do whats best for yourself x

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    1. You really do have to be selfish sometimes. It's sad but true. x

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  7. My bf of 4+ years and I are in the midst of moving out/breaking up, and this blog entry was comforting to me. <3 Thanks girl. xo

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    1. I am so sorry to hear that Sarah. Breakup's really are awful and I can't imagine how extra awful it is when you live together. Thankfully, I never got that far. I hope you are okay. Glad you found comfort in this post. That makes me so happy. xx

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  8. I defintely agree that everything happens for a reason, things have been rocky for my and my partner of five years recently. Not because we don't love eachother but because we have very different interests.

    I'm glad your so positive, that's the best way to move on!

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    1. So sorry to hear that Amy. I've never found someone with the same interests as myself but I guess this can work if you are right for each other. Too much in common would be boring after all. I hope you're ok! x

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  9. Ah lovely - I 100% agree that everything does happen for a reason and break ups teach us about ourselves. Glad to see you're doing OK xx

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  10. Sounds like ot was tough for a while, but so pleased things are looking happier for you. Enjoy singldom...until Mr Right comes along!

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    1. That's exactly what I am doing and it feels GREAT! x

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  11. It's great that you're doing okay! Returning to freedom after a disappointing relationship is always refreshing.

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  12. Oh lovely :( sorry to hear what you are going through but from the sounds of it you 100% made the right decision. Its hard to walk away but for the sake of sanity you have to. Stay strong xx

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  13. Lovely honest post Ashleigh, and gorgeous outfit

    Hannah | Oh January

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  14. I am glad to hear you are doing well and it definitely sounds as though you made the right decision for you x

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  15. Such an honest post. It's so good to see that you're doing this for yourself. I suffered a hard break up, worrying that I'd ruined his life by leaving but the relationship was stale, it didn't feel real anymore so it wasn't right to live with something I wasn't happy doing

    Tamsyn Elizabeth | Peaches and Bear

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  16. Break-ups do suck, but they are usually for the best and you can learn something from them.

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  17. Glad to hear your focusing on yourself, Netflix and pizza sounds great to me xx

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    1. Haha, it's not hard to please me! Bring me all the carbs x

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  18. I must commend you on sharing, I have been going through the same and I am slowly working on myself

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  19. I am free and single, it is great :) I wish you the same happiness x

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  20. Break ups are awful but I am glad you are doing well x

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  21. Oh hun break ups are absolutely horrible but you will certainly get through it xxx

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  22. Break ups are never the best but it sounds as though you are taking care of yourself.

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    1. I am indeed. Self care is so important :) x

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  23. You know what in my experience the best relationships are the ones you don't have to try hard in - I'm sure you'll meet someone who make you feel really happy and give you that companionship you want as well ❤️

    Mel ★ www.meleaglestone.co.uk

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  24. Wow I loved this so much. You're writing style is so refreshing & honest. I agree so much with everything you've said. I'm really happy you're happy & having some time to yourself- I think everyone needs that time. Good on you gal 😊 I'm really happy I've found your blog! Katie xx
    http://kaleidoscopepeonies.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

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