I've been away for the past two weeks with no access to wifi, so I wasn't able to get this up any sooner. But here it is and I'm so excited to hit publish. So excited to document another milestone in my life.
Originally, my blog started off as a beauty blog. A blog I would write in-between going to college and working shifts at my local cinema. It was just a hobby but has grown into something a lot more. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life when I finished school and even by the second year of college; I was still clueless.
However, picture this. I finished university with no job. All I had was this blog and I threw everything into it. I decided to get a fresh lick of paint, switch up my content and produce better photography. I'm still deciding what features will stay and what ones I will eventually phase out but that's a part of the journey. I am constantly changing.
I've recently collaborated with one of my favourite all time boho-inspired fashion brands. I have followed Wonderland Clothing since the very beginning so it was so exciting to work with them. This gorgeous Bohemian Spirit Romper* is made from a soft cheesecake material. The elasticated waist makes it very comfortable and together with the sandals from Primark; is perfect for an evening of demolishing burgers and fries for example. The bell sleeves have indian inspired embroidery and pom poms which adds to the hippy-boho personality.
They have a huge sale on at the moment so it's worth checking out if you have a style like mine!
Let's catch up and have a little bit of a heart to heart...
Life has been SO hectic over the last month or so. I feel like I've been stuck inside a nightmare if I'm honest. I'm tired of having to make others happy but I don't get to feel any inner happiness. I'm tired of having to put up with things that most people would walk away from straight away.
When I got back from travelling, something hit me. Self happiness is SO important. Self love is important. Being happy with who you are and confident with what you have to offer is important.
I started by quitting my part time retail job. I believe in myself and picking clothes up off the floor is not something I think I am made for. A friend sat me down and said "Just get rid of it Ashleigh!". So, I quit. Just like that. I got rid of it. I have no regrets.
I then ended a relationship because it was bringing me down and I couldn't go on any longer. I've never really considered myself to have any inner problems but my head has been one big mess for such a long time. I often felt like I was going crazy, like I was imagining things. I was crying every day. I was shouting every day. I started lashing out. I started arguing with my family too. I wanted to escape every day. I didn't want my life anymore.
I'm insecure for a good few reasons and I was made to feel like it wasn't normal to feel how I did. I was made to feel like I had something wrong with me and even the "you're crazy, not right in the head" comments were thrown at me. Alongside the unforgiveable "no one will ever make you happy" insult. Mental health should never be used in vain but here I was already thinking I was going crazy but was also being told I am crazy and mental. Therefore, I am crazy, right? I must have something wrong with me?
No. I fucking do not.
I'm a normal 23 year old, newly-single woman who has a fucking massive heart but a only loves a very small crowd. People take this for granted and I'm sick and tired of giving my all to boyfriends and friends when I get nothing back in return.
Yeah, I can be your average pain in the ass. I like to do things at the weekends. I'll be mad if you eat all the red sweets. I get the last word in arguments and I'll probably be the only one swearing. But if you get my love; you get everything. My love, my commitment, my passion, my body, my life.
But that's never enough. So I started asking myself the same old questions...
Why haven't I met anyone who thinks I am cool? Why does no one ever want to adventure the world with me? Why have I never gone out for a spontaneous breakfast in London? Why have I never met a guy who wants to create content with me? Why does no one ever make me a priority? Why does no one ever stick up for me? Why does no one truly love me for who I really am?
Because I still haven't met the right person.
I'll end this post by saying thank you very fucking much for following my life for the past five years. Do I see myself blogging for another five? Yes, I fucking do. As long as the internet still exists of course.
Oh, and apologies for the swearing. But fuck yeah, I'm happy.