28/04/2017

8 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM BEING A MAN'S REBOUND


Firstly, let me remind you one thing, which I hope you understand after having read this post. Sharing your life experiences is not airing your dirty laundry. Writing about what has happened to you, what you have experienced and what you have learned from is real life. 

If I had read a blog post like this one before experiencing what I'm about to write about; then it probably would have never happened, because I would know the signs to look out for. Food for thought there. Please be kind. 

As much as it pains me to admit it, I'm just going to say it. I was his rebound. His thing to make himself feel better. Someone to distract him from his true feelings. A stop train between feeling heartbroken and somewhat healed. He was my boyfriend, but I was just all of the above to him.

I always said on social media and in person that I was in a bubble of happiness, but it was actually just a bubble of lies. A fairy tale with a bad ending. A fake prince charming.


Despite only "being together" for 7 weeks, I had known him for a long time beforehand. I think that's why it hit me hard when I found out the truth. I was angry, upset and felt more hurt than I ever have before. I felt so stupid at thinking that I had found the man for me. Little did I know, that inside of him was a(nother) compulsive liar, who was programmed to think that deceitfulness and using someone is okay.

So, where do I even begin?


On the night of our first date, he picked me up and was waiting outside by his car with a bunch of flowers. That's never happened to me before, so not only did he tick that box, but he made an effort to look and smell nice (you know that manly smell that makes us women go weak at the knees), so it was going swimmingly well.  Or so I thought.

He had been single a couple of months, after his relationship of a few years ended. I am not someone who really talks about ex boyfriends and past dates on a first date... or even a second or a third. However over drinks, I soon found myself in a conversation with him about his ex girlfriend. You know the usual stuff a guy says... she's psycho, controlling, doesn't let him go out, has a weird family, is unattractive to him now etc. The stuff I am pretty sure every single ex boyfriend of mine has told their new dates too. 

Lesson 1: If your date starts talking about their ex on your first or second date, it's likely they are not over them. Avoid and run for your life.

Of course, I was head over heels for a guy who I was rather attracted to (beards just do it for me), who made me laugh a lot (I snorted a lot, actually) and who did the right things to put a smile on my face. We saw each other a lot over the next few weeks and within three weeks, he wanted to make it "official". I was a little hesitant, but he assured me that his previous relationship was over a long time before it was officially over, so what did I have to worry about? 


Lies. Many, many sweet lies is what I had to worry about next.  I saved a few of my favourite ones below, so you can try to begin and understand why I am writing this post. Not as a "revenge post" as some people have called my previous one. Definitely not as a way to air my dirty laundry. More as a warning to the thousands of you that read this blog.

 I was constantly reminded by this 25 year old 'man' at how happy I made him. How much he wanted me. How he had never felt this way before. How he LOVED ME. How he can't wait for the future. I believed all of these things, so was on cloud 9. 

Lesson 2: The cheesy stuff is cute, but take it all with a pinch of salt.
Within a couple of weeks of being together, he wanted to book a holiday. We had this dream of going to India or Cuba, but me being sensible (and thank goodness), I said maybe that would be a nice holiday for the following year. Well done me for being sensible and not booking anything, because it would've been an utter waste of my money!

Lesson 3: Don't book stuff for the future with someone new so quickly. 

Our sex life was okay, nothing special and I'm certainly not writing this post to talk about that. However, there is another lesson that I have learnt about my sex life with that partner and about future partners.

What was I told?  To expect lots of orgasms, a magical tongue and kinky LoveHoney shit. Well, remember when I thought I had it bad with the last boyfriend? That was a breeze.

I laid there a lot of times over those 7 weeks, waiting for his so-called magical tongue to set my insides on fire; but he just drowned them instead with failure. I always told myself, maybe it will happen the next time. It never did and I know it's nothing to do with my body. It's easy to make a girl scream when you know what you're doing. If you don't, then don't shout about how awesome you are.  Simply really.

Lesson 4: If a man boasts at how good he is in bed and how good he will make you feel; it probably IS too good to be true. 


How beautiful is this lingerie set from Dorina? 
They kindly sent it over to me and I can't get enough! Super comfy and available on ASOS in black and white for only £18!

They say to trust your gut instinct and this happens to be lesson five. In every single relationship I have had, I have eventually always had a cloud of bad vibes hanging over my head. A gut instinct of something that's happening right before my eyes, but it's up to me whether I want to believe it or not.

We had a period where things changed. He stopped talking to me during the day, didn't speak to me in the evenings and didn't arrange to see me. He said he was just working a lot but if you feel there is bad energy, then believe in them vibes, because something's not right.

He worked all that weekend too and didn't see me. Is it a coincidence that the following Friday, he cancelled seeing me? Saturday evening he dumped me. By a text message. Monday morning, he had his ex girlfriend back on all forms of social media and was with her the following weekend of that same week. A coincidence? Doubtful. 

Too many lies. Too many coincidences. Too many opportunities missed to say 'fuck this, fuck you, bye'.

Lesson 5: If you sense bad energy, believe in those vibes. You're NOT over thinking shit. Don't let him (or her) tell you you're overthinking either!


How am I now?

I was sad for a few days but I don't feel anything more than regret now. I wasn't particularly looking for anything when I met him. I just ended up meeting him because I had known him for a very long time beforehand (these are the ones I have learned that surprise you the most) and I guess I completely and stupidly 100% trusted him. What a silly girl, I am.

I was upset and sad because I am a human who has feelings. The measure of time has no relation to how a person can feel. It may have only been two months but everything I felt I thought was real, because he made me BELIEVE it was. 

Now that I have had a few weeks to reflect on this, I am actually so grateful that this happened. I couldn't think of anything worse than being in a relationship for much longer with a compulsive liar who is trying to bury his true feelings. I am out of it, away from him and couldn't be happier knowing I am the true winner here.


Lesson 6: Pain can be a blessing in disguise. 

I am in love with the idea of being in love and know that one day it will hit me like a punch in the face when I least expect it. There won't be any lies, hiccups, excuses or crazy hung-up ex girlfriends involved. 

I have learned so many things from this and I'm so thankful for this happening. It's a learning curve and I now know the signs to look out for on my next first date and so on. I will be able to end something quickly without being dragged into someone's messy life and end up getting hurt all over again. 

Lesson 7: I am fucking worthy of real love and one day I will find it in a fucking real man


Sometimes though, you do have to sit back and laugh at the bad experiences in your life. I may be missing out on the fulfilment of someone making me happy, but I no longer have to deal with a man who doesn't brush his teeth. No woman has time for a man's bad hygiene.

Lesson 8: The best looking guys are usually secretly the worst. 

That's the 8 things I have learned and I hope this is somewhat helpful to any of you who have just started dating or about to meet someone new. Trust your intuition and don't get caught up in another person's cobweb of lies. Save your heart and body for someone who is worth trusting and believing.

Disclaimer: Lingerie are PR samples. All words are my own.
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50 comments

  1. Anonymous28/4/17

    Was this your mums photography? i am interested to know who you roped into your shenanigans

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    1. No. I took them myself using my phone as a remote to my camera.

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  2. Anonymous28/4/17

    Was the naked pictures really necessary for this blog? .. dont think like are

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    1. Anonymous28/4/17

      They*

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    2. Was hiding behind anonymous necessary? Don't think so.
      If you read the small print, you'd know this a collaboration piece with a lingerie brand, but thanks for your small minded opinion.

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    3. These comments from "anonymous" just make me LOL! :P stay true to yourself babe x

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  3. I wish every lady could get to read this, some excellent lessons here that are very true :) x

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  4. I've been through this too. It really sucks.

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  5. You really do deserve so much better than any idiot who would think you don't deserve his 100% attention and 100% love x

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  6. What a great post, and something everyone should read. You deserve much better than him, and you will find it one day and be with someone who truly deserves you x

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  7. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this experience, no man should treat a woman like this. Your post may help many others avoid getting caught up in a situation like this. There are great men out there and I hope you find the person you deserve who treats you right.

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  8. How true this is, I'm duped every single time by the charms of men who only end up hurting me. Love the honest post because it is SO relatable ❤️

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  9. I really do hope this post will help others from getting fooled into a situation like this. All women deserve much better than this kind of treatment.

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  10. You are worthy of real love and you will find it! You look amazing ❤️ This post is so real and honest, hopefully it will help many other women in the same situation xx

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  11. I actually grabbed a cuppa tea before reading this post because I was so bloody intrigued. You look fabulous and it's so awesome that you turned such a shitty situation around to create awareness for other women and reflect on what you learnt from it all. I'm so in love with your blog & I'm going to be bouncing from post to post for the rest of the evening now!
    Thanks for sharing your story :) Ellis x // www.elliswoolley.blogspot.com

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  12. This post seems like it was really cathartic for you and I am pleased...you should never justify why you post what you post..it's a shame you do. Undoubtedly there is a lot of people out there who have been through the same thing so this is a great way to share with others who may have also or going through the same thing like you say.

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  13. I've always been constantly hurt and used as rebound but in the process being cheated on; I weren't looking for anything and after being rejected for a job at homebase, I started speaking to the man who rejected me.. 24 days later we were together. I have to say, if a guy especially writes all that soppy love stuff in a text, it's a load of rubbish! That's what I've learnt.. I hope you find someone 💖💖💖

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  14. I've been lucky enough to not have been a rebound, but thank you for writing this post. I love how open and honest you are on your blog!

    I love the photos in this post and it's unnecessary that people are being negative about it, you look great and how is it any different to swimwear posts...?

    Keep being you, I love your blog!

    saffronwatson.co.uk

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  15. I'm so sorry about what happened to you. Thank-you for being brave with your words .. you never know who's reading. I'm sure someone who's in a similar situation would recognize some of the warning signs.

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  16. I don't see it as airing your dirty laundry at all! I see it as sharing your experiences and hopefully you can help people in a similar situation. Relationships are hard! x

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  17. What a fab thing to write about. This happens to too many people who don't see the signs. I'm also in love with your pics!! x

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  18. Keep doing what your doing girl! X

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  19. I've been through a similar situation and believe that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Mine was to teach me a lesson and I won't be making the same mistake twice! x

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  20. You are looking so gorgeous in this beautiful black lingerie :)

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  21. Thank you so much for this post. It's always helpful to be aware of the signs of shitty men. I understand that you feel some type of way for not seeing the signs initially but do not blame yourself. He was clearly an expert liar. What a jerk! You're well rid of him, good riddance to bad rubbish.

    Also:

    "Sharing your life experiences is not airing your dirty laundry. Writing about what has happened to you, what you have experienced and what you have learned from is real life."

    You're right. Like I said in the comments section in one of your posts, I wish I could be outspoken on my blog, but sometimes I am a little bit apprehensive about what readers/fellow bloggers/brands/PRs might think, but at the end of the day, it's my blog and I hate the feeling of not speaking out more because, like you said, bad stuff happens in life and I am naturally outspoken (though I write better than I speak) and I am fed up of staying silent out of 'fear' of the consequences. Once again your post has inspired me to write more and to be open without hesitating and bottling things up.

    :)

    Chichi
    www.chichiwrites.com

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  22. Anonymous29/4/17

    You learn something from even the darkest times. Respect.

    A lot of your recent blog posts have been on him. Something tells me there something a little deep down that wishes the future was to be as told.

    And although i'm (personally) not a huge fan of the way you sometimes write about people, (some things should be left to be) I hope this is the last we hear of him on your posts, and that you can finally pull through to move on. Don't lose your hope. Continue what you do.

    Summers coming, and the future is bright.

    -A

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  23. Sorry to hear this. Writing is therapeutic and does help so never stop writing.

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  24. I'm so sorry this happened to you, rebound relationships are awful! You deserve so much better than someone like him.

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  25. Sorry to hear this happened to you. I've no experience of it however I think its great u are sharing so others can notice the signs of being a rebound.

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  26. You have no idea how much I relate to this post and in fact I am a little embarrassed to admit that it made me tear up. I have been many guys 'rebound chick' and it hurts a lot when you find out. I was like you cautious enough to say no to holidays and thank god I was sensible because that holiday would have been a waste of money. There was this guy who I fell for but I was in a relationship with another guy so I did the right thing and broke up with him. This new guy, I made him wait because I told him I wasn't ready and he was the 'perfect gentleman' about it. Turns out he just wanted to use me for sex anyway because he openly admitted when we broke up that he was not over his ex and wanted to use me to get to her. Coupled with the fact that I caught him cheating and you have a massive arsehole on your hands x

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  28. I haven't been unlucky enough thankfully to be a mans rebound as I barely dated before getting married. It's a shame that you have had to go through it but eventually you will find the right man.

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  29. I'm fortunate enough to have not experienced anything like this before but I'm sorry you had to go through this! You articulate your thoughts wonderfully and it's clear you've learnt a lot from this particular encounter, good for you coming out the better person!

    Musings & More

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  31. I was a rebound for one of my exes. She had left for bf a few weeks before. I know how you feel and all of your points are super spot on! I'm glsd you're doing better and realize you're worth more.

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  32. It is so hard to be someone's rebound, especially if your feelings are real. You have to realise it is no reflection on you, but that is easier said than done.

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  33. Sounds like you have emerged from this experience a stronger woman. So sorry you had to go through this but a great outlook and hope for others experiencing the same thing x

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  34. I love the pictures- you look beautiful. And his game playing is his loss. Sorry you had to go through it, but I think we all need to feel like that sometimes to know what we truly deserve... and to help ups learn the difference between actions and words.

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  35. Sounds like you have had some tough lessons here, but I think sharing them will help other girls a lot. You definitely deserve better than this so don't waste your energy on it

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  36. This is exactly the sort of thing that worries me about my daughter growing up... As a guy, I can say with completely honesty that most of us are horrid... We treat women badly, get dumped, blame it on the woman and then moan about them to the next woman we meet... Not all of us are like that, of course, but the majority are... And I'm really scared for my daughter when she becomes an adult...

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  37. You've got completely the right attitude - don't let the b*****ds get you down! Or the bitter blog commenters either - you look amazing in your photos. xx

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  38. I love your attitude, and you look gorgeous in your photos! I'm sorry you had to put up with this!! A similar thing happened to me, this guy used me and ditched me via text because he wanted to be with his 'true love', who he then dumped a month later. True love my ass. He was just a jerk!

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  39. Great pics and I think they are perfect for this post - show him just what he is missing!

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  40. You will find a decent guy one day - you are young and lovely! I have given up as my ex's are a***holes!! Good luck hun. Kaz

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  41. I've never been used as the rebound but have been used to make a guy's mate jealous (why anyone would go out with someone just to make their mate jealous is beyond me) and didn't notice the signs until I was on the receiving end of a punch (woohoo for abusive relationships). It really sucks to be used by anyone whether it's for an ill advised relationship or by a friend and I really hope someone learns from this post! The guy is an idiot as you're clearly a very smart, beautiful, talented woman. If he needs to use people to validate himself or whatever else, he's a moron!

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  42. I ended up having children with a guy who I see now had used me as a rebound and never actually loved me. Thankfully now I have found someone who actually appreciates me but I wish I had seen the signs a long time ago to avoid years of hurt. Glad you got out of it. It may have hurt at first but you deserve so much better!

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  43. What a great post! Your hair is looking banging too ♥

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  44. You are so brave to be open about the subject as it is not an easy one to discuss. You look beautiful in the pictures.

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  45. Love the lingerie in this post, but love more that you've been honest and open! Girl power! x

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  46. This is such an important post for girls to read and you've outlined everything so honestly!

    Ps.. Your photos are hot! Ignore the haters x

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