I'm extremely stubborn and anxious making me the number one worrier in the history of all worriers. Being an artist means I sometimes lack inspiration, ideas and motivation and when you have all three tugging at your heart strings, all you want to do is simply stay in bed and ignore the world; and that's what I did. I am going to do a whole separate post, possibly a video, on my "University experience" but to save the wonderings and the overall cliffhanger, I hated University. I got kicked down a lot which made me lose confidence in not only my work but the ability within myself to create work. I started to compare myself a lot to other artists my age so I only made myself feel worse. Snide comments were thrown around about the work I was creating which I failed to see any positives in. Can you blame me? However, a few months ago I decided to prove everyone who has ever kicked me down, doubted me or laughed at me behind my back and push myself. I aimed to create good work relating to what started off as a basic idea which grew and grew and grew. The only trouble was that time was not on my side but I powered on and I did it. I created successful work which I am incredibly proud of right now. I achieved goals which I could never see myself doing because I believed in myself.
I failed in other aspects and have had to work on stuff again in order to try to succeed. Even now, I don't know if I've passed or failed my degree but if I have failed then I am happy. Not happy because I have failed, but happy that I done it and didn't give up. There were several times I was extremely close to quitting but I didn't. I kept at it and that is the most important point I am trying to make. I don't need a degree to be happy. I don't need to keep in contact with people to be happy. I don't need anything to be happy because I AM happy.
These doubts about myself have affected my blog so much. Blogging means the absolute world to me and I have let not only myself down and my blog's archive but I have let you down. I have a solid readership not so long ago and seeing my blog traffic go down tremendously has really saddened me to the point I've not felt motivated with blogging including the writing of it and the attending of events. People tell me I should go to events to network and trust me when I say, I LOVE networking with other creative people in the blogging community and the fashion industry, but going back to square one; I just wasn't myself. Blogging is a creative platform and so lacking inspiration and motivation elsewhere effects my creativity on a whole. Please forgive me. I am back!
I don't want any negativity on this blog nor do I want to dampen anyone's day but I just felt I had to explain so much not only to you guys but as a documentation to myself so I can look back on this and remember that I saw the light in the dark and I got through it on my own because I am strong minded and stubborn.
Time for a little more positivity.
I now have way loads more time to dedicate to my blog, my work and finding myself. I have met so many lovely people this year and have a certain number of people who support me in all that I do and I am so grateful.
If you have lost yourself then it is okay. This happens to everyone so don't feel like you're the only person in the world going through this. There is still time to find yourself and all it takes is time, space, fresh air and a good few days of Netflix binges to make you feel disgusting so you have no choice but to wake up on a Monday morning and face the world head on. You can do it! I believe in you. Remember you are very much loved.