I'm extremely stubborn and anxious making me the number one worrier in the history of all worriers. Being an artist means I sometimes lack inspiration, ideas and motivation and when you have all three tugging at your heart strings, all you want to do is simply stay in bed and ignore the world; and that's what I did. I am going to do a whole separate post, possibly a video, on my "University experience" but to save the wonderings and the overall cliffhanger, I hated University. I got kicked down a lot which made me lose confidence in not only my work but the ability within myself to create work. I started to compare myself a lot to other artists my age so I only made myself feel worse. Snide comments were thrown around about the work I was creating which I failed to see any positives in. Can you blame me? However, a few months ago I decided to prove everyone who has ever kicked me down, doubted me or laughed at me behind my back and push myself. I aimed to create good work relating to what started off as a basic idea which grew and grew and grew. The only trouble was that time was not on my side but I powered on and I did it. I created successful work which I am incredibly proud of right now. I achieved goals which I could never see myself doing because I believed in myself.
I failed in other aspects and have had to work on stuff again in order to try to succeed. Even now, I don't know if I've passed or failed my degree but if I have failed then I am happy. Not happy because I have failed, but happy that I done it and didn't give up. There were several times I was extremely close to quitting but I didn't. I kept at it and that is the most important point I am trying to make. I don't need a degree to be happy. I don't need to keep in contact with people to be happy. I don't need anything to be happy because I AM happy.
These doubts about myself have affected my blog so much. Blogging means the absolute world to me and I have let not only myself down and my blog's archive but I have let you down. I have a solid readership not so long ago and seeing my blog traffic go down tremendously has really saddened me to the point I've not felt motivated with blogging including the writing of it and the attending of events. People tell me I should go to events to network and trust me when I say, I LOVE networking with other creative people in the blogging community and the fashion industry, but going back to square one; I just wasn't myself. Blogging is a creative platform and so lacking inspiration and motivation elsewhere effects my creativity on a whole. Please forgive me. I am back!
I don't want any negativity on this blog nor do I want to dampen anyone's day but I just felt I had to explain so much not only to you guys but as a documentation to myself so I can look back on this and remember that I saw the light in the dark and I got through it on my own because I am strong minded and stubborn.
Time for a little more positivity.
I now have way loads more time to dedicate to my blog, my work and finding myself. I have met so many lovely people this year and have a certain number of people who support me in all that I do and I am so grateful.
If you have lost yourself then it is okay. This happens to everyone so don't feel like you're the only person in the world going through this. There is still time to find yourself and all it takes is time, space, fresh air and a good few days of Netflix binges to make you feel disgusting so you have no choice but to wake up on a Monday morning and face the world head on. You can do it! I believe in you. Remember you are very much loved.
You haven't let anyone down, and you have no need for forgiveness. A blog is a blog at the end of the day. What's happening in life is far more important than the newest shade of lipstick.
ReplyDeleteI was chatting to a 19-year-old just yesterday about uni. She's got three years of a course left that she hates and she has no plans to work in. She knows she's going to have a debt over her head the whole life. She wants to quit, but the fighter in her won't let her. So what can she do? Make the best of the situation she has in front of her. If you're finishing uni I have a good decade on top of you, and let me tell you this: you'll get to my age and realise all those heart-wrenching, soul-destroying, painful, sticking out like a sore thumb experiences will have shaped you as a person. They won't be easy, but the person you'll be in ten years time will learn to see the good from them, you'll still cringe from time to time, but they'll be no more relevant than what you had for breakfast a year ago.
Trust me, you'll find yourself as every year passes. Just don't forget to live life as much as you can each day and you'll do all right..
Hey Laura,
DeleteThank you so much for your positive words. I had no idea if this post was going to be read by anyone so much so that reading your comment at the train station yesterday made me well up and feel so over whelmed. I sometimes feel so alone and forget there are people out there like yourself who support me as a blogger or as an "online friend". It's really lovely and I feel so lucky to have people like you taking time out of your day to leave a positive response for me to read. So thank you. Ashleigh ♡
Sounds very similar to my situation, i've finished uni possibly with a third which i'm ok with as i have to be ok with it! no point staying still! also just failed my theory test today (by one mark!) and am trying to remain positive and this post definitely shows that! xx
ReplyDeleteIt's so true! Even if i fail i am not going to let life stop just to be sad and feel sorry for myself. It's a learning curve which I will grow from; failure or not. Bad luck about the theory test but now you'll be more determined and will want it more the next time you try. Good luck for your uni results too. Stay positive girl! Ashleigh ♡
DeleteI'm so glad you finally managed to find your confidence again as well as completing an amazing piece of work you are happy with! Good luck with your results!
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Thank you so much Alice! Have a lovely day! Ashleigh ♡
DeleteOh gosh, I hope you're ok, break ups are awful. But, every time I try to give people advice about it, I never remember how I coped, or how exactly I felt at the time, and it definitely makes me realise that time heals everything.
ReplyDeleteDo what your post-it note says missy!
The break up has nothing to do with it haha! But thank you Sara :) ♡
DeleteGreat post! I find it so refreshing and therepeutic to write about the dark periods that I go through, and so I'm glad that you've chosen to write about it :) And I'm also glad that you now seem to have found yourself! Always remember that light can be found in even the darkest of times (yes, a Harry Potter quote, but it still applies!) xxx
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