Socially Awkward


I guess with a blog you decide what you want the content to be. Even though I review the odd item or two, I still categorize ASHLLYD as a lifestyle blog. I share weekly photos, updates on my life and college work. I'm still amazed over three hundred of you want to hear about my life. If I saw myself as a person I'd think she's well boring!

I woke up this morning, logged onto my laptop and remembered it was my ex best friend's birthday today. We haven't spoken in two years and as much as I loved all of the other friends in our 'group', she was honestly the best friend I could ever ask for. I don't even know why we all stopped talking but out of the five people in our group (one moved country) I don't talk to any of them, yet I know that they all still talk to eachother! It just seems like we all left school, I dropped out of sixth form and we all got into relationships. I'm one of them people that puts ~chicks before dicks~ and considering I had known my friends for three whole years and then met Todd, I wasn't going to start losing out on a friendship all due to a boy. However, circumstances changed and it looks like they did just that themselves. I haven't seen any of them since March 2010.

*tried to look for a picture to include... i have none.

I didn't go to the #zomgbloggersbash yesterday and I can't even explain why. I planned to meet a few others before hand (first blog event!) and even got ready to leave. Then I just bottled it at the last minute. Considering I haven't been out with any girls other than my mum, sister and my boyfriend (obviously he's a boy!), it was really hard for me to go and meet other girls, especially who I've never met before. I know if you went to the event and you're reading, you're probably thinking 'well it was hard for most bloggers as nobody knew anyone' but I feel like my circumstances and reasons are different. I have no confidence with friendships. I'm a lot more shy, awkward and anxious around people compared to who I used to be. I used to be so outgoing, loud (ish) and genuinely a lot more happier knowing I had two girls that I could talk to about anything. I have a boyfriend, don't get me wrong, and he's the best person to have ever walked into my life. I will never put any new friends before him and he knows that. (Funny how things change?) Knowing him for four years (dating for two) is such a precious thing but he's not exactly someone I can talk to about let's say.... relationship problems! He gets bored shopping with me and dreads it when I say 'fancy going Oxford Street?'. 

I really do want to attend my first blogger's event. I feel like I missed out on such a great one yesterday and resulted in spending my evening cleaning my makeup brushes; fun(!) I probably sound like such a wimp but it's a huge thing for me to leave my front door and meet people which could result in a new friendship blossoming. However, I need to grow balls cos the only way I will ever find friends is to leave the front door! 

Looking for a magic pill that will give me confidence & balls(!)


  1. I know exactly how you feel...socially awkward is my life...I really want to go to the TOWIB event but am very cautious, and have a tendency to back out...if you do decide to go you'll have an allie :)

  2. Trust me I know how that feels, i've had issues with *ex* friends in the past, and even though I KNOW it was not my fault I can't help feeling like I'm 'damaged' or unlovable as a friend. I literally have 1 friend and my fiancé, but me and my friend aren't like girly friends that confide all and go on shopping trips and girly days out, it's just not like that.
    God I miss that though! I don't want those people back in my like because I know thy're not good for me but I really do miss the things we shared

    Kim xx

  3. Anonymous31/1/12

    No magic pill I'm afraid.

    Until yesterday I hasn't been to my parents house in over a year. I haven't been out socially in well over a year and a half now etc etc

    Really hope you find some good quality friendships to spur you on xxx

  4. I completely understand where you're coming from Ashleigh! I almost went to a bloggers meet once but I kept putting it off until the train fares were too ridiculous. I'd love to meet up with other bloggers but confidence is a huge issue and can hold you back! Maybe meet up with a few bloggers that you speak to regularly and then work your way up to a big meet? I bet before you know it, you'll wonder what ever stopped you :) With confidence, it's a case of not letting it hold you back and doing it anyway. But I do suggest starting small with some friends you have met online and then working up :) Don't let it get you down! Everyone gets nervous and make sure you don't regret this. Hopefully from this, you feel determined to try again! xxx

  5. Ashleigh, I feel just the same with Luke.
    Most of my friends left once I got pregnant with Amelia, simply because they couldn't understand why I didn't want to be going clubbing every night or why I would now want to look after my baby rather than be out everyday without her.
    I've 'known' you a few years now though... and we still need to go out! xx

  6. oh god i can identify with this all too well. i've been to a few blogger events now but i find it so difficult meeting people for the first time. i pretty much have to down a bottle of cider on the train beforehand to feel anywhere near comfortable. its a shame that i can't do that when going to baby groups because those are are a whole other level of awkward, having to bond with people solely because you have kids. i don't talk to anyone i went to school with anymore, they were all too happy to find other friends or go off with their boyfriends. i talk to like 5 people from uni but thats it. i don't have any real friends other than my fiance.

    so yeah... my (probably terrible) advice is, meet up with a small group of bloggers in a bar for a couple of drinks or a meal or some shopping just to break the ice. its a lot easier to make friends with just a couple of people rather than in a whole room of people where its easy to be ignored if you're not outgoing. all the bloggers i've met so far have been super duper friendly & you already kinda know them (in a weird way haha) so i think its a bit easier than just meeting total strangers. hope you get your confidence back soon xx

  7. My god you sound like me! I don't have any friends (apart from my boyfriend) for certain reasons & I can't seem to make friends. I'm so awkward and feel so awkward talking to people always over thinking everything so I never make any new friendships. It sucks cause I don't have anyone to talk to about girly things or go shopping or just chill with and have a laugh.

    I think from your point of view you have a blogging outlet and I'm sure a lot of blogger's would love to meet you! I love reading your blog and your not boring your interesting to read! Hope you do manage to meet up with some bloggers.

  8. I can totally relate to everything you've written. I haven't spoken to my best friend or others from my group of friends since sept 2010. I was ill for over a year and couldn't leave the house. We eventually lost contact despite me ringing all the time and texting. And because I couldn't leave the house I was constantly saying no to doing things like going out even though I really wanted to. I think they just got bored of asking me and stopped but they couldn't see my side or even bothered to think what I was going through.

    To say I lost my confidence is an under statement. I still get small panic attacks just thinking about talking to people that I don't know. I'm currently looking for a job so interviews are a nightmare.

    Blogging has helped me so much though and starting to go to events has really helped too. Especially the past year. I've mainly been to Aussie events and every time I've gone on my own without arranging to meet anyone and it's really helped. I'm still nervous about going but once I'm there I just relax. Everyone is so nice and once you've been to a few events you'll have people you already know.

    I agree with other people commenting. You could arrange to meet up with a couple of bloggers for coffee and cake. It'll really improve your confidence and then you wont feel as nervous about going to a bigger event :) xx

  9. You're definitely not alone in feeling like this, it can be so hard sometimes to go ahead and do something or go to meet people. Especially when you're not confident in your own friendships. I sometimes feel like I'm cursed with one year friendships...for as long as I can remember I'll have a best friend for like a year and then after a year something goes wrong. Maybe I self sabotage or something. Blogging has really opened my eyes to all of the like-minded amazing people out there. I can't wait to go to my first blogger event and meet some of these lovely people. Yeah I agree with what other people are saying, you should meet up with some bloggers like sometime that's not an event. I really wish there were more blogger events in the south west! xx

  10. This is like one of the most genuine blog posts I have read! You should definitely go to the next blogger's event and be confident about it. You seem like a lovely person. :) xoxo

  11. Reading this, i thought i was reading about myself! I had the exact same situation with a group of girls, i fell out with my best friend over a silly argument and we haven't talked since, meaning i don't really talk to the rest of them either. It makes me quite sad really, i feel like i'm a freak, like i'm the crazy one or there must be something wrong with me because they've all managed to stay talking to eachother etc. And the only person i really have to shop with now is my mum, my boyfriend, like yours, HATES shopping soooo much, he'd rather stay home and watch a film or play videogames. It's just not the same as having a best friend who you can share everything with, laugh with and who you can call at 3am. I went to my first blogger event in December and admittedly i did go with someone i previously knew so i didn't feel too uncomfortable, but without her i would've definitely backed out! I got there though and had a brilliant time, met loads of new people and made a few friends, so i'd definitely recommend going even thought the concept is scary.
    I also know what you mean about not really trusting friendships anymore, i wouldn't want anyone to feel the loneliness i have for this last year!
    If you need to chat ever, feel free to email or DM me sweet.
    Also i love your new layout

  12. Next time me and you aren't going to bottle it! I'm so gutted I missed it too, a girl on twitter even said she saw my name badge and I felt such a pang of regret!

  13. my exact situation...i haven't seen my best friend or almost a year now or any others and the im always out with my sister or mum... terribly socially awkward I am!

  14. I know how you feel. When I left college I drifted apart from my friends, and I know they're all still really close. I feel like they left me out and couldn't be bothered with me, but that resulted in me realising they're not worth it! I get a bit nervous before meeting new people, but that's natural. You just need to make the first step! xx

  15. you are not a whimp at all sweet, you aren't alone, i bottled my 1st blogger event, nerves are something i battle with on a daily basis. So i can totally understand what you went through maybe try small steps towards maybe an event? slowly build your confidence up rather then throwing yourself into a really daunting situation. you do have confidence you blogged about it truthfully, i think that takes alot of confidence well done sweet :) there are positives in every situation.

  16. You are not a wimp hun, I am petrified even thinking about going to a blogger event - since I've had my baby I sure as hell know who my friends are, all the others have fallen by the wayside and I too need confidence to meet new people. I say next time theres a blogger meet up, everyone thats commented (including me) and you should all go and face our fears together xoxo

  17. I know how you feel :/ Since I left school in the summer I have seen about three of my "friends"? I feel so lonely and like I don't have any proper girl friends anymore, no one to go shopping with etc. X

  18. Gosh, I know exactly how you feel, and I genuinely didn't know there were so many others feeling the same.
    The only person I seem to have at the moment is my boyfriend. Whilst my 'friends' have gone to university or are off doing other things I'm the one that feels left behind, and I'm not as confident as I used to be. I've been wanting to get to a blog event this year, but I'm so nervous as well - due to meeting people and because I don't have very many followers on my blog... Sounds silly when I type it...

    It's such a shame theres so many people feeling like this, but then I guess it's good to know we're not the only ones!
    We'll get to a blogging event one day ;) xxxx

  19. It's a shame you couldn't come, I wanted to meet everyone on my timeline! It might not help, but I can only speak from experience in that I know it might be hard but you should never say no to anything. Embrace life's opportunities with open arms because being a blogger is truly fantastic and not many people in life get the chance to go to the things we do. It's better to be nervous for a few hours than to live with the regret of not going. I firmly believe you would have loved it, and any blogging event tbh. Blogging events are the easiest - remember you're all the same! I was very nervous before my first event then I realised it was easy. It's a room full of girls, just like you. Some nervous, some not. We're all just mere human beings and we all are the same, there's no snobbiness or rudeness. Take this one on the chin, it's gone now. But next time jump up and say YES! I can so do this. Cause you can, and life is what you make of it. You are the only one that can make it awesome, and make sure you life happy and full. My favourite mantra is a lyric from my good friend frank: "were definitely going to hell, but we'll have all the best stories to tell" :) I'll see you at the next one and I hope this helped and inspired you even if it's just a little xo

  20. Anonymous13/2/12

    Thank you for posting your experience, I was in the same situation few years ago; we were five girls, and what seemed a good friendship ended along with the end of school. Now we barely talk to each other. Since then I have become introvert and I haven't made any close friend for a while...reecently I have met new lovely persons with which I feel at ease and I am more the old me!!! You are so sweet and I'm sure that you are not a misanthrope, just need reliable people to have around, let's say that you are more selective now!!! Oh and when you need someone for shopping just give a call, I'll be right there with the first plane!!
    A hug from Italy!


Thanks so much for your comment! If you have any questions, leave them in the comments and I'll answer them!