Firstly, let me remind you one thing, which I hope you understand after having read this post. Sharing your life experiences is not airing your dirty laundry. Writing about what has happened to you, what you have experienced and what you have learned from is real life.
If I had read a blog post like this one before experiencing what I'm about to write about; then it probably would have never happened, because I would know the signs to look out for. Food for thought there. Please be kind.
I always said on social media and in person that I was in a bubble of happiness, but it was actually just a bubble of lies. A fairy tale with a bad ending. A fake prince charming.
Despite only "being together" for 7 weeks, I had known him for a long time beforehand. I think that's why it hit me hard when I found out the truth. I was angry, upset and felt more hurt than I ever have before. I felt so stupid at thinking that I had found the man for me. Little did I know, that inside of him was a(nother) compulsive liar, who was programmed to think that deceitfulness and using someone is okay.
So, where do I even begin?
On the night of our first date, he picked me up and was waiting outside by his car with a bunch of flowers. That's never happened to me before, so not only did he tick that box, but he made an effort to look and smell nice (you know that manly smell that makes us women go weak at the knees), so it was going swimmingly well. Or so I thought.
He had been single a couple of months, after his relationship of a few years ended. I am not someone who really talks about ex boyfriends and past dates on a first date... or even a second or a third. However over drinks, I soon found myself in a conversation with him about his ex girlfriend. You know the usual stuff a guy says... she's psycho, controlling, doesn't let him go out, has a weird family, is unattractive to him now etc. The stuff I am pretty sure every single ex boyfriend of mine has told their new dates too.
Lesson 1: If your date starts talking about their ex on your first or second date, it's likely they are not over them. Avoid and run for your life.
Of course, I was head over heels for a guy who I was rather attracted to (beards just do it for me), who made me laugh a lot (I snorted a lot, actually) and who did the right things to put a smile on my face. We saw each other a lot over the next few weeks and within three weeks, he wanted to make it "official". I was a little hesitant, but he assured me that his previous relationship was over a long time before it was officially over, so what did I have to worry about?
Lies. Many, many sweet lies is what I had to worry about next. I saved a few of my favourite ones below, so you can try to begin and understand why I am writing this post. Not as a "revenge post" as some people have called my previous one. Definitely not as a way to air my dirty laundry. More as a warning to the thousands of you that read this blog.
I was constantly reminded by this 25 year old 'man' at how happy I made him. How much he wanted me. How he had never felt this way before. How he LOVED ME. How he can't wait for the future. I believed all of these things, so was on cloud 9.
Lesson 2: The cheesy stuff is cute, but take it all with a pinch of salt.
Lesson 3: Don't book stuff for the future with someone new so quickly.
Our sex life was okay, nothing special and I'm certainly not writing this post to talk about that. However, there is another lesson that I have learnt about my sex life with that partner and about future partners.
What was I told? To expect lots of orgasms, a magical tongue and kinky LoveHoney shit. Well, remember when I thought I had it bad with the last boyfriend? That was a breeze.
I laid there a lot of times over those 7 weeks, waiting for his so-called magical tongue to set my insides on fire; but he just drowned them instead with failure. I always told myself, maybe it will happen the next time. It never did and I know it's nothing to do with my body. It's easy to make a girl scream when you know what you're doing. If you don't, then don't shout about how awesome you are. Simply really.
Lesson 4: If a man boasts at how good he is in bed and how good he will make you feel; it probably IS too good to be true.
How beautiful is this lingerie set from Dorina?
They kindly sent it over to me and I can't get enough! Super comfy and available on ASOS in black and white for only £18!
We had a period where things changed. He stopped talking to me during the day, didn't speak to me in the evenings and didn't arrange to see me. He said he was just working a lot but if you feel there is bad energy, then believe in them vibes, because something's not right.
He worked all that weekend too and didn't see me. Is it a coincidence that the following Friday, he cancelled seeing me? Saturday evening he dumped me. By a text message. Monday morning, he had his ex girlfriend back on all forms of social media and was with her the following weekend of that same week. A coincidence? Doubtful.
Too many lies. Too many coincidences. Too many opportunities missed to say 'fuck this, fuck you, bye'.
Lesson 5: If you sense bad energy, believe in those vibes. You're NOT over thinking shit. Don't let him (or her) tell you you're overthinking either!
How am I now?
I was sad for a few days but I don't feel anything more than regret now. I wasn't particularly looking for anything when I met him. I just ended up meeting him because I had known him for a very long time beforehand (these are the ones I have learned that surprise you the most) and I guess I completely and stupidly 100% trusted him. What a silly girl, I am.
I was upset and sad because I am a human who has feelings. The measure of time has no relation to how a person can feel. It may have only been two months but everything I felt I thought was real, because he made me BELIEVE it was.
Now that I have had a few weeks to reflect on this, I am actually so grateful that this happened. I couldn't think of anything worse than being in a relationship for much longer with a compulsive liar who is trying to bury his true feelings. I am out of it, away from him and couldn't be happier knowing I am the true winner here.
Lesson 6: Pain can be a blessing in disguise.
I am in love with the idea of being in love and know that one day it will hit me like a punch in the face when I least expect it. There won't be any lies, hiccups, excuses or crazy hung-up ex girlfriends involved.
I have learned so many things from this and I'm so thankful for this happening. It's a learning curve and I now know the signs to look out for on my next first date and so on. I will be able to end something quickly without being dragged into someone's messy life and end up getting hurt all over again.
Lesson 7: I am fucking worthy of real love and one day I will find it in a fucking real man.
Sometimes though, you do have to sit back and laugh at the bad experiences in your life. I may be missing out on the fulfilment of someone making me happy, but I no longer have to deal with a man who doesn't brush his teeth. No woman has time for a man's bad hygiene.
Lesson 8: The best looking guys are usually secretly the worst.
That's the 8 things I have learned and I hope this is somewhat helpful to any of you who have just started dating or about to meet someone new. Trust your intuition and don't get caught up in another person's cobweb of lies. Save your heart and body for someone who is worth trusting and believing.
Disclaimer: Lingerie are PR samples. All words are my own.