WHY I TREAT EVERY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH A USE BY DATE


I am here today to tell you one thing and one thing only. It is totally fine to end close relationships. Whether it's your lousy partner who does nothing but make you sad (trust me gal/guy, I've been there too). Or maybe it's one of your friends who makes you feel bad for spending time with other friends. Or maybe... just maybe... it's a family member that you simply have to put up with, just because the F word is involved.

I've ended two close relationships in the past six months and it's brought me to the version of me now. At the time of both events happening, I didn't know who to turn to, what to do or how to fix things. I simply thought I had to carry on being involved in these close relationships. However, I woke up one day and realised that I am a decent person with a big heart for anyone and everyone and therefore... I deserve more.


Ending friendships can be easy for some, but hard for others. I made the conscious choice to end a nearing-ten year friendship, because it was no longer benefiting my life. Asking how I was keeping and organising to see me all of a sudden stopped. They only seemed to want me when they wanted something out of me and that just isn't fair on anybody.


So, this one friend. A friend my teenage years were spent with. Getting drunk in the park with the sun going down and a slight breeze on our faces. Moshing to Bring Me The Horizon in a sweaty under 18s 'club', both dressed in the skinniest jeans known to man. There for each other through every high and every low. 

It became one of those friendships where towards the end, a lot had changed between us and we had obviously both become adults, but we (or at least I) still cared about our friendship. However, no longer the care free 15 year olds that we once were. It's impossible to keep in touch with everybody when you're all of a sudden 24 and juggling a work, a home, hobbies, social life and a relationship. I got that. I get that. 

As much as I cared about this person and in a way, always will, it was no longer fair to be the only person left wondering what this person was doing and whether they missed having me in their life like the old days. It made me over think that I was a boring and lousy person to spend time with and in a way, it's closed me up completely. I always struggled to make friendships and now still do at 25 years old, because friendships like this one have destroyed my confidence. 


Louche Polka Dot Dress - JOY Clothing*
Bag & Shoes: Primark

A lot of things were said and many truths came out. Like in any argument, the both of us had points we raised that neither of us was aware of before; simply because the communication between us had died a long time ago. 

When I sit here and think about who supported me at finally breaking free from an abusive relationship, who was there to celebrate my graduation with me, there to raise a glass at my brand new job last year... I cannot see this friends' face in any of these memories. They say to always be aware of those people who don't clap for you and this friend's elbows didn't move; let alone their hands. 

On the other hand, when they wanted to be a +1 for a restaurant review, a +1 for travel opportunities and even wanted (pretty sick if I can say so myself) photographs taken of themselves, so they could update their Instagram game, I was there. With my arms in the air and my hands waving. 


I won't sit here and type out how much of a fantastic friend I am, because life admin DOES get in the way sometimes. I sometimes take 5 days to text back, but it will take me 2 minutes to order a Pizza Hut after receiving a 50% off text from them. I don't always have a free weekend in a month to see friends, because I have a lot of shit to do and a fair few people to see within those precious 48 hours that we call a weekend.  I am sure you can all agree?


However, when it got to the point that I really, in hindsight, was the only person in this friendship checking in, asking if they was free the next weekend for dinner and asking if they was okay and if they needed anything after they got their ass dumped by their partner, it really said a lot for me. I literally WAS the only person who cared. 


It's sad when things end but I have always agreed that everything happens for a reason. I know our friendship was a blossoming one back in the day, but I am a big believer that there's use by dates on relationships. SOME will last like a bottle of red Pinot Noir - ironically ten years or more. Sadly, this one was rotten and had to be thrown away. 

10 comments

  1. I totally agree with you. People change and sometimes the friends of the past just don't fit in the present. I let go of relationships which don't make me happy, it's made me less stressed and makes me value my real lasting relationships more.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i think friendships can be harder to end than a relationship sometimes but you did the best thing as people change and you can't keep pushing a relationship which has already died x

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnnMarie John26/4/18

    You're completely right about that. It's okay to end relationships that are not healthy for you anymore. I think that's something we all have to realize at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I find ending relationship very difficult especially if a close friend decides not to continue the friendship after knowing them for so long. Love your dress by the way.

    Yeah Lifestyle

    ReplyDelete
  5. I totally agree, you have to look out for yourself don't you? Things change and it's about adapting and accepting (I did smile at the quickly replying to 50% off code from Pizza Hut though, that's so me!).

    ReplyDelete
  6. What an amazing post! I recently ended a particularly good friendship of almost 8 years. I just sort of felt smothered. We had both changed a lot over the last 8 years and while I don't regret our friendship, I feel more free now. I'm not worrying about the phone ringing, I'm not wishing my neighbour hadn't popped around for a cuppa.
    My friend taught me a lot and I'm grateful for that but it was time to call it a day! Although, I would like to point out I wasn't the greatest best mate sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love that dress - such a great colour! It suits you too!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love this post. In order to move forward and grow as an individual we do sometimes have to let go of various friendships and relationships that no longer serve us in our personal journey of growth. And as hard as it can be, it is important to realise why someone has entered our life and what they have taught us but also to know when to let go and move on in order to carry on growing as a person. xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Very good outfit, yellow with white polka dots is great, the detail of the bag I love it! ^^

    ReplyDelete
  10. And another main cause is pride; both parties wouldn't listen to or compromise with their disagreements and differences; so people with pride may have difficulty finding good relationships advice.  what to say when approaching a girl

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for your comment! If you have any questions, leave them in the comments and I'll answer them!