I share an awful lot of my life on my blog because I want to. Since the tender age of 15 when my 'internet presence' first began, I was sharing a lot. Even now, I am completely honest and probably share too much. I like my blog to be that little bit different. I'm not scared to write, to share, to connect.
I've had comments before where people are like 'I wouldn't have the guts to post that, good on you!'; but I have to have the guts. Blogging isn't just about documenting my life online. For me, it's reaching out to a wider audience to find just one person who can understand where I am coming from. Ultimately, I end up reaching out to a lot more than just one person which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Why? Because I don't have people in life who understand me and who I have a mutual connection with. I've always found it difficult which is why I turned to blogging. It doesn't matter to me if the result of writing a blog post means I'm not physically talking to someone. I am in my head and I get replies from people all over the world. Even if I connect with a Sarah from Canada or a Benjamin from Iceland; it makes me happy to know there are people out there just like me.
I haven't been myself for a while and I thank you all for your concerns on twitter and instagram. I'm okay and I will be okay. Once upon a time, I was a strong woman who would gladly hold the door open to anyone who wanted to leave my life. However, when you are deep in love with someone, it becomes incredibly difficult to say goodbye when you don't want to give up and don't want to go through life wondering 'what if I had done this and that'.
Let's just remember one thing... this time least year, I was single but happy, in my dream job, a busy fashion photographer with far too many bookings to handle and I had a huge group of "friends". Forward one year to now and I've lost everything. Oh, and it just so happens that the things I do want in life I can't have but everyone around me does; their dream job, a boyfriend who adores them (ALL of them) and an amazing social life. It's not my fault that I lost everythng good in my life. I'm fed up of feeling like I only have myself to blame for the way I am. I wish there was one person who could just hug me and say 'I accept you for who you are and who you are yet to become; flaws and all'.
I owe you all an explanation as to what is going on and that is why I filmed a video with no direction/plan; to pour my heart out and tell you how I am feeling. I'm just hoping at least one person can understand why I'm down in the dumps at the moment. Sorry about the cut off head in some places; it's not a video I wanted to re-film so I hope it's still watchable. Blogger problems, eh?
Ashleigh x
I am sorry to hear this and I can totally relate to losing everything and none of it being your fault. But, things do get better!
ReplyDeleteHi Danni. Thanks for your comment. I really hope things do get better one day and I make a friend in someone who I can really count on. Have a lovely day!
DeleteAshleigh x
Things change, we all have ups and downs, I am sure you will be back on top in no time!
ReplyDeleteSay strong and keep your head up high.
I agree Agata! I have been in the same situation for absolute years so for me it's a norm. I am happy in other areas of my life so that is what I am trying to focus on now :) Thanks so much for your positivity.
DeleteAshleigh x
<3
ReplyDeleteThank you Robin x
DeleteBig hugs! Totally relate to your post. Things will get better give it time. R
ReplyDeleteHi Rosana,
DeleteI really hope so! I would just like to land myself with a good job and be able to learn to drive finally. I feel like I would have so much more independence! The friends thing can wait, I don't want to force it. I guess I just have to be patient :)
Ashleigh x
I can relate to a little bit of this. As a writer as well as a blogger, it's tough to draw that line between work and personal life, especially when sometimes things call for a bit of each. I find it difficult to make friends as well - I can count all of my best friends on just one hand and two of them are my siblings! In fact I can safely say I have zero 'close' friends or people I can chat to here in HK, heh!~ All I can say from my perspective is, you do you and things will fall in place, somehow. 100% go with your gut. I'm just a Facebook message away if you want a natter, A! <3
ReplyDeleteHello Miss Michelle :)
DeleteI thought you would be able to relate as I have always felt we are both very similar people in that respect. Our personalities are very much the same?! Yeah I find it incredibly difficult to draw the line but I filmed the video because now I know! I can't force it upon anyone so in future, I am not going to anymore. Of course if there's a friend who wants to hang out at blogger events with me or review things with me then awesome, they can come. But in the mean time, I'm done with inviting people to things and trying to include them in my plans. I am now drawing that line!
I can completely agree with that too because my sister is my best friend. It sucks so much that you moved to Hong Kong because I feel like we would be such great friends if you was still here! :(
Hope you are well though and thank you for being there :) <3
Hi Soosie,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you can relate to me. This is why I wanted to write a post to reach out to people who are in the same boat as me but don't want to talk about it. I feel so much better now I have got everything off my chest and it's great to know I'm not the only person finding being an adult a tough deal!
Yep, many more years ahead of me. Plenty of time to meet new people and make more friends along the way. I guess right now the timing isn't right which is why I have been alone for such a long time.
Ashleigh x
I love it when I come across a person who likes a bit of solitude and quietness, especially someone who says it in a positive 'that's who I am' kinda way! Keep reppin' for the peaceful ones, it's underrated! After all my friends are left our uni town, what I'm craving most is a friend I can watch TV in silence with and endlessly scroll through tumblr!
ReplyDeleteAnd the process of even considering breaking up is the shittest time in the world, I think it's worse that the recently broken up stage, because it's the time when it's all up to you and it's all hanging in the balance! Everyone deserves someone who loves them completely, they're just a bit more difficult to find! xxxx
Jesska - Opal Soul
Hi Jesska,
DeleteOh thank you so much! I like being quiet! It gives me a lot more space in my head to think about things or even plan posts out (I'm a workoholic). It's just always been in my blood! However, it's one of the first things people notice me so they always think something is up but that is never the case!
I would love a friend like that too! I feel like i've been looking for years for someone similar to myself to hang out with. I think I need to love myself a bit more really.There's certain aspects in which I have no confidence in myself which I think comes across pretty clearly in he video! Have followed you on Twitter x
As they say, the sun can't always shine :) hope you feel better soon, from one Ashleigh to another xx
ReplyDeleteAshleigh
www.quintessentiallyme.co.uk
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